Fish, Coral, Nudists, and Conspiracy Theories

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Paradise Found?

The last two years we travelled to the States for 2 months during the winter … not so this year. Although I always love seeing family and friends, there was not a lot of interest from either of us. Faced with several months of dreary winter, we decided to plan a tropical vacation to one of the many amazing islands near us.

After looking around, we settled on Vanuatu for several reasons: (a) it was an easy flight and the cost was not great, (b) it is a less developed area than, say, Fiji, (c) it is in the epicenter of some of the greatest coral and fish diversity on the planet and (d) I managed to find a pretty cool place for cheap via homeexchange.

It looked amazing, but as we did some research on it, there were a few weird things about it. Evidently, the island was leased for 75 years and was being developed it into a “Sustainable Development and Decentralised Physical Infrastructure Network (DePIN).” They were also wanting to rename the island “Satoshi,” presumably after the anonymous author of the white paper about bitcoin, Satoshi Nakamoto. Nobody really knows who Satoshi Nakamoto is, but that is the name attributed to inventing crypto. They have a pretty slick website where you can read all about it — Satoshi Island.

Despite the weirdness, Denys was quite keen and we booked the place for 6 nights. To hedge our bets in the event that it wasn’t as nice as it looked, we also booked 3 nights at the Aore Island Resort.

Because we live in Nelson and Air New Zealand is highly prone to canceling flights, we flew to Auckland the night before and stayed at the Pullman hotel at the airport.

We had wanted to go the museum in Auckland to look at the Māori collection. It had been closed due to asbestos mitigation, but when we checked the website the day before leaving, it said it was open. Cool beans!

After landing in Auckland, we went over to the museum where we promptly found out all the Māori exhibits were still closed. Bummer. Luckily, as residents, it was free. We wandered around the parts of the museum that were open and then had lunch at the cafe. It was pretty good.

It was our anniversary, so we wanted to go to a nice restaurant while we were in Auckland, but it was Monday so almost everything was closed. Rats. Our day in Auckland wasn’t going all that well. The Pullman was supposed to have a nice Māori inspired restaurant, Te Kaahu, so we tried that. Overall, it was good but not great. Everything was woefully under-seasoned. There you have it.

Denys and Marcela (owners) were not at the island, so they arranged for Greg (caretaker) to pick us up at the airport and transport us to the island. We arrived at the massive Luganville International airport and went through immigration. Let’s just say they did not have the fancy-schmancy biometric face scanners. The processes for looking at your bags was a bit casual. Welcome to the tropics.

We exited customs and looked for Greg. He was not there yet, but a bevy of taxi drivers were pretty excited about helping us out. We said “yeah, nah” and waited. Greg showed up about 10 minutes late. The Island is isolated so you have to bring all the food you want with you. As such, Greg took us to the market so we could buy food. He needed some food as well. Evidently, eggs are in short supply and there was quite a run on them. Greg let us get the last full dozen eggs at the store and he picked up the last few. We then stopped at 3 more places to see if they had more eggs. No dice.

Finally, we headed north toward Lataro island; it was already 5 pm.

It was about an hour drive along a pothole-riddled road to where we would transfer to the boat. Greg was very chatty and was excited to find out we were scientists. He told us that people walking on the road were looking for rides but just never made an indication they were, so you just had to stop and ask. At one point he did and a family of about 8 jumped into the back of the truck.

The ride gave us the first indication that Greg had some, how should I put this, interesting ideas about the world. He asked Susanne if she thought there were really three strands of DNA and me about how it was possible that the Dogon tribe in Africa knew about the Sirius star system before it had been discovered by telescopes. 

As we were getting close, Greg mentioned that their access road ran through some Chinese billionaire’s property and there was a guard gate. He then casually added that the guard left a 4 pm and he hoped he hadn’t locked the gate because he had to spend the night in the truck one time. What!?? Thankfully the gate was not locked. We got to the boat and loaded our stuff as it was starting to get dark and headed out to the island.

Greg told us we would be staying in the owners place that night and we could decide if we wanted to move into the other cabana in the morning. He also warned us that there were 5 dogs and that sometimes they were a little testy with each other. When we reached the dock, they were there to greet us. They were nice enough, but two of them didn’t get along all that well. We were fine, but if we hadn’t liked dogs, this would have been a nice detail to know … don’t you think?

We unpacked our stuff, ate a noshy meal of cheese and crackers, chatted for a while and then headed to our place. It had been a long day and we were tired and ready for bed. The owner’s place was nice, but we were both a bit taken aback by the general weirdness of the start of the trip. No worries, we crashed and were happy the bed was quite comfy. A bit of a dog fight broke out at 2 a.m., but other than that we slept well.

So let me take a minute to orient you to the Satoshi Island compound.

According to Greg (and let me tell you, everything he told us was true), the place was originally built as a secluded nudist colony where you could come and sunburn your Johnson without judgment. Denys and Marcela bought the place about 3 years ago (I think) as mentioned. 

It contains 2 cabanas, a game room, a common area with a kitchen, an office and a large cabana which is the owner’s place. There is a lovely little beach, a pagoda to hang out in, a dock, and a barn. Further back (not shown in the pic above) is a staff house where the local staff that clean and take care of the animals live. We never saw them.

We were originally going to stay in the 1 bedroom place that had its own kitchen and was a bit removed from the other areas.

One thing we had forgotten at the store was coffee, but thankfully Greg had some and said we could use it. We had our coffee and then walked around checking the place out to see if we wanted to move. All five dogs followed us around everywhere we went. The 1-bedroom place with a kitchen would have been nice, but the plate glass window had a huge crack in it and the screen door was broken so the dogs could come and go as they pleased. Negatory on that! The two-bedroom didn’t have a kitchen, so there was no point in moving. We would just have to share a kitchen with Greg for the rest of the trip.

In many ways the place was really amazing, but you could tell it was suffering from neglect. There was some really lovely outdoor furniture and places to relax, but all of the cushions were pretty moldy. There was lovely little pool, but it was full of algae. The game room was a bit weird; it had a ping pong table, a pool table, a broken down pinball machine, a telescope, and some old stereo speakers that were not hooked up to anything. The wood carvings and art work throughout were incredible. It must have cost a fortune to build the place.

Despite all of that, the location was out of this world. I pulled out the snorkeling gear and headed down to the beach for a bit of a look-see. The very first time I had ever snorkeled was when I was 19 and staying at a nature reserve in remote western Indonesia. It was incredible. Since then, every other snorkeling spot has been a disappointment, or at the very least clearly inferior.

I stuck my head in the water and kicked out to where the channel started and let out a gasp of delight. The coral and fish were AMAZING! Just fantastic.

We continued to learn more about Greg. He was quite chatty and there was no comfortable or polite way to avoid it. He was Polish from a northern town on the Baltic Sea. He had served 6 years in the army and had been stationed in Africa on a UN deployment. He was married to a Japanese woman who was in Japan, didn’t speak that great of English and it was unclear why she was there. They had lived in some weird pseudo-religious/buddhist/commune that was an 8-hr boat ride and 1-hour hike into the bush of Espiritu Santo that was funded by some Japanese dude who had died and then his heir had cut off the flow of money, so they had to leave. He was big-time into conspiracy theories. You name it, he believed it. Cabal running the world. Science is hiding the truth. Aliens put people on the earth. If you can think up a crazy conspiracy theory idea, he probably believed it. He was a nice enough guy, but whew, it was exhausting to be around … I just wanted to snorkel.

We settled into a pretty nice routine. Snorkel in the morning, then nap. Kayak for a bit, then nap. Read my book and watch the world go by. Snorkel again and then nap. You get the drift. The dogs were always with us … even when we snorkeled they would swim after you. It was pretty world class relaxing if I don’t say so myself. 🙂

There was a cave on the far side of the island and Greg really wanted to take us for a hike out there. The first time he asked for us to go we artfully avoided it, but at dinner that night, it was clear that we were going to have to go the next day.

Now, Greg was a nice enough guy, but you have to remember we were in the middle of nowhere on a deserted tropical island with someone who had some pretty odd views of the world and with no easy way to get back to the mainland. This all created a certain amount of need for diplomacy and social nicety. The hike to the cave definitely fit into that category.

The next morning, we headed out. It was pretty hot and humid, so both Susanne and I were sweating buckets. He asked if we wanted to go into the staff house. We said no. Really, why? The jungle was pretty, and along the way, we ran across some coconut crabs. They are a type of hermit crab that can get huge. Coconut crab size averages over 5 pounds in weight and is the largest terrestrial arthropod known. They have the strongest pincers of any crab and can crack open coconuts. We only saw small ones. It wasn’t an uninteresting hike, and Greg knew a lot about the plants, having lived in the bush for 8 years and all, but it wasn’t as good as snorkeling.

As we were walking Greg mentioned that we should watch out for the cows, which had been brought to the island. He said that the night before one of the bulls had chased him into the bush because there was a young calf he was protecting. Hmmmm, seems like this is one of the items that might have been mentioned in the much-needed-but-nonexistent orientation brochure. Thankfully, we did not meet the bulls.

The cave itself was fine but nothing great. Greg wanted to continue on to the ocean to see a spot where there are octopi. Susanne was suffering from heat and conspiracy theory exhaustion and said she was just going to hang by the cave. I went with Greg just to give Susanne a moment of peace. We hacked our way through some bush that hadn’t been traveled in a while, got to the ocean and saw squat. It was lovely, but …

We made it back and both agreed that the hike was a phenomenal waste of some good snorkeling time, but at least Greg was happy now.

Greg told me that someone had given them a sailboat and I could take it out. Cool! I haven’t sailed in years, but it was a small boat so I thought I’d give it a go. He helped me get set up. I kept trying to figure out how to rig it, but it just didn’t seem right. But hey, she’ll be right as they say here in New Zealand.

Let’s just say, she was not right. Not at all. As I started out it was clear the boat was missing a few pieces and it wasn’t rigged right. I was battling the tiller and the rigging whenever I tried to come about. It was a fiasco and in a short time I capsized. Ugh. I swam around to the sail and was unhooking it when Greg called out and asked if I needed help. I took him up on the offer and he paddled out in the kayak and we got the boat back upright.

Like I said, Greg was weirder than weird, but he was a very nice guy and really did want us to enjoy the place. I re-rigged the boat into a more functional set up that I could at least sail. I went back and forth a few more times and then gave up and brought it in to shore. I think there were three main problems with the whole endeavor: (a) the boat was missing a bunch of parts, (b) it was not rigged even close to correctly and (c) the skipper was, to put a euphemistic spin on it, completely incompetent … but other than that it went great.

I just couldn’t get enough of the snorkeling. I don’t think I could ever get tired of it. I felt like a kid in a candy store. We were both getting a bit tired of Greg, the dogs and the flies, but overall it was an amazing place and we had a great time.

The last night we were there, the trade winds really kicked up and were howling with a vengeance. Greg said he wanted to leave by 9 am so that the boat ride in wasn’t too rough. He had no trouble convincing us. We packed up our stuff, said goodbye to the dogs and got on the boat. All went smoothly. We had managed to depart the deserted tropical island without having to befriend a volleyball.

The entire ride into town, Greg kept probing us with his ideas. I was really tired of it. Susanne was far more patient. I went into the bank to get some Vanuatu money while Greg and Susanne waited in the truck. The process in the bank was running at Pacific Island speed, so those two had a lot of time to chat.

At one point Greg said “it is either Religion or Science.” Susanne made the point to him that those two are not necessarily diametrically opposed and continued to point out that he tended to frame the world in binary terms and the world was definitely not that. I think this caught him off guard and stuck in his head. Maybe it will be a seed of change.

Who knows and to a degree I didn’t care — we were off to Resortopia!

Resortopia!

Greg dropped us off at Santos Hardware where the “ferry” would pick us up and take across to Aore Island. As he drove off, we both breathed a sigh of relief and were happy to be headed into the more normal part of our trip. I am not a resort kind of person, but I will admit I was looking forward to a bit more … sanity.

As we waited, there was a flurry of activity at the dock as various banana boats were being loaded with supplies, tourists, and expats. It is clear that the island has quite a concentration of expats, predominantly from Australia.

The boat showed up and we loaded our luggage and ourselves onto the boat. The Tradies were still howling so it was pretty bumpy going across the channel and a number of people, including Susanne, got pretty wet.

Greg had told us that the resort was owned by the Chinese and that everyone on Santos hated them and they were awful. I know this will be a surprise, but it isn’t owned by the Chinese. It was built by an Aussie and sold to another Aussie. I am just shocked that Greg was misinformed. Sheesh, next thing you’re going to tell me is that the world is not flat.

We got an introduction at the restaurant and fresh coconut water, straight out of a hibiscus flower-decorated coconut. It was luscious. The resort is not huge with maybe 15 cabanas and it is definitely not one of these nutty $1200/night kind of places. Our cabana was nice but basic. It was fully screened in, had a lovely porch with a fan and was just a few steps from the beach.

It wasn’t fancy, but it was private and comfortable. Susanne was quite pleased with the whole set-up. They had kayaks and SUPs to use. They even provided a full set of snorkeling gear (which we did not need) but good to know for future reference.

We had some lunch and settled in. It was a low key place and didn’t feel pretentious. The food was pretty good and the restaurant location was lovely with a nice view out over the water.

I went out for a snorkel to check out what was right by the hotel. It was a bit disappointing after Satoshi Island. There just wasn’t much coral. Tons of fish, but not much good coral. I talked to the manager a bit later and he told me that Aore Island had been hit by a category 5 typhoon a couple of years ago and it just completely tore up the coral, but that it was bouncing back. The pics looked terrifying. 

The resort had all sorts of activities that they would help you organize, but we decided we just wanted to hang out there.

After a snorkeling a few more times, I started to appreciate that the area was pretty good. Despite the beat up coral, the fish life as just amazing. Some huge ones too! Occasionally you would see a school of tuna hanging out near the edge of the channel.

There was a lovely dock area that had a pagoda and some chairs that you could sit in over the water. We quickly realized this was the best place in the whole resort. It got a nice breeze that kept the bugs away, was a bit cooler, had a nice view and best of all you could stare at all the fish under the dock. There was a huge school of anchovies that hung out there all the time. Every now and then, some predator fish would come dashing in and a great kerfuffle would ensue with anchovies desperately trying to not become lunch. In the mayhem, a bunch of the fish would end up jumping out onto the beach. When the staff heard this, they would run down and start gathering up the stranded fish. Out of the frying pan and into the fire.

They had some fat bikes, so one morning we decided to go for a bit of a ride around the island to check it out. The bikes were complete POSs that were rusting away in the sea air. Sigh. We rode for a little while and Susanne pulled the plug on it. I decided to continue on and check out more of the island. It fun to ride around, but it wasn’t all that great as there were no real views of the ocean. I did see where all the expats live and some of the nice Airbnbs were located.

Like Satoshi, the highlights of the day were (a) snorkeling, (b) reading, (c) napping and (d) repeating. Nothing wrong with that in my book.

The other cool things to see in the water around the resort were the starfish, sea slugs, crinoids, brain coral, and giant clams.

All in all it was a very relaxing 3 days at the resort. It didn’t feel very resorty, which was good. I would definitely go back there. It was a great 10 days of warm weather and amazing snorkeling.

On the way back we had to spend the night in Auckland due to the flight schedule. It was pretty bouncy coming into the airport and the weather report for the next day did not look good.

In the morning it was howling and raining pretty hard. At the hotel we chatted with a guy who had tried to fly to Nelson the night before, got with in about 100 meters off the ground and they aborted and flew all the way back to Auckland. That is a bummer, man. Our flight got delayed by about 3 hours, but we finally made it in, though the flight down was very bumpy the whole way. You know when the crew remains seated for almost the whole flight that it’s bumpy. Our friend Bev, who was picking us up at the airport, texted and said all the roads were closed and the flooding was really bad. He said he would try but might not be able to make it the airport. Bummer. 

The views of the flooding when were coming in to land were crazy. The whole area was put under a State of Emergency declaration. Luckily we showed up during a break in the storm and Bev was able to make it to the airport.

We were glad to get home and hunker down. It was a great trip and I definitely want to go back to that part of the world. Next time I’ll do some scuba diving and maybe explore the Solomon Islands.

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